I bet they have grandkids, I bet if you looked it up they have grandkids.

SCOTTY SHOWS OFF FOR TIM MCGRAW

It's pretty tragic, this overexcited puppy love behavior of Scott for his man, but only because they're meant to be singing together and being cute, and instead it's like Scott's really hoping Tim McGraw's the boyfriend of his mom that will stick.

But then, you have to know that Tim McGraw has seen it all -- probably most guys act like this around him, actually -- so he's relatively unfazed. I find Tim McGraw a lot nicer to listen to with the sound off. Although it is true that his face is aging faster than his wildly sick body, which is why he keeps the hat pulled down so far, which is like the number one thing that is sad about country singers, when they start with the hat thing.

Q: Jesus, how long is this song?
A: How long do you want it to be?

PRECISELY THAT LONG

Ryan: "Coming up next... OMG you are going to love it, girl!"

I completely trust Ryan's judgment about all things, as you know, but when he flips into 100% WeHo like that without warning, and then smiles so hard like it didn't just happen and he's erasing it with his smile, that's when you know we are in for a fucking treat.

Steven Tyler mugs for the camera and plays with his belt a whole lot while Ryan is introducing the Crazy Idol Jokes from auditions. The worst part of every single finale, but something so ingrained in the DNA of the show that it will never die. A girl is crazy; a girl several injures herself -- hilarious -- and then a double-shot of that camera guy getting brained by the acrobat.

Retards, fags, nutcases. All, somehow, outclassing Steven Tyler.

We are better than this.

SOMETIMES GOODBYE FEELS EASIER THAN OTHER TIMES

Marc Anthony -- did we know he was a singer? I just thought he was like the host of something unearthly and that was his job, mostly. In any case, if you're not familiar with whatever it is that he does, let me tell you that it is weird. There are Vegas dancers, and a drummer lady, and he's singing quite powerfully, and then the band kicks in, and the ladies dancing is about half of the show, and he keeps going and going. It's nice. I mean, it's not really my thing, but it sounds nice and he is a good performer. I'm struck dumb with how to proceed further, but I wanted to note that it, in fact, happened.